Saturday, 11 May 2013
for my own reference - this will be TMI for some. Just let me be while i capture my beautiful memori
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran
It was one of those nights, where things just happened. Never have i experienced something so natural as this, everything falling into its place. You asked me what i was thinking of, i was too shy to reply standing with a warm blanket of you wrapped around me. "I'm glad its cold tonight if it wasn't you'd be like get the fuck away from me right now" you said.
Something happened, it happened.
No thought went into it..it just somehow happened. It was the more comfortable situation out of the most difficult and awkward i've experienced. I know i think alot, doubting everything, expecting all the unexpected. But just don't think, just be.
Although you are so fucking romantic i can't even handle it. Your romantic ways or shall i say cheesiness....how can a guy be this nice and kind? consistently and constantly. I'm grateful we get along as well and as comfortably as friends. It's non stop laughs over stupid random things. How can this be? So suddenly, so unexpected.
I can no longer expect the unexpected. This totally caught me off guard.
Wednesday, 01 May 2013
Its been a while since i've done a blog entry, i'm about to turn 21 in just under 36 minutes if my math serves me correctly. Looking back, i realised how much and little i have achieved within the past 21 years. How easy it is to achieve your set goals, but also how easy it is to also fail. The mistakes i've made has all been positives, it has taught me to be who i am today. Falling down to a hole of misery and allowed me to pick myself back up (with alot of help from people) however i'm gradually learning from my lessons. How easy and how difficult to have someone in your life, people come and go, to always grab that moment and make the most of it. But most importantly, the biggest thing i've learnt is it takes someone really special to stay by your side through all this. I am so grateful to be one of the lucky ones to always have a support team behind my back, there for me whenever i need it. Am i incoherent, i probably am. Emotional turmoil before stressing out just then on how little i have achieved, i want to reach my full potential.
Everything seems to be right the way it is right now. The journey is going to be hard ahead, and i cannot wait to see what the future holds for me but at the same time i refuse to take a single step forward, i am so afraid of who i will become. However, I feel extremely blessed right now, this very moment. Blessed that I can feel 16 again with butterflies in my tummy. That strange quirmy oozy feeling you get in your heart and you just cant stop grinning, this very feeling i thought i will never experience again. But things don't always remain that way. And yes, i am back on board with blogging after a long hiatus, a dark period in my life i am grateful to of happened to me. But i will never want to become that person again, filled with selfishness, sadness and depressed which is reflected in the blogposts i've had up in the past 2 years.
Blogging has been a part of me. and wil always be and i will strive for this to continue. I feel like i am the female Peter Pan. I absolutely refuse to grow up, i already see aspects of my personality and self change within the past few years. It's difficult to always be so serious and uptight when i use to be so carefree, i want that side back. And it makes me sad to see this change in myself, but i guess as they say. People change for the better, lets just hope for the best :)
1 minute till my birthday. this is my new beginning.
This matter is mine
Don't worry I'm fine
This matter is mine
I'm not going to give it up.
Monday, 20 August 2012
i thought i was so strong, strong enough to show no emotions. But i finally crumbled last night ...crumbled so so bad..
Although waking up to a much more brighter outlook. I'll take it day by day.
and it is definetly getting better. you will never be alone, there will always be someone here for you. <3
Now please don't take this wrong
You know I want you
But don't think I won't move on
I can get by on my own
I'll stand without you
Look how I have grown
Saturday, 19 May 2012
RANDOM INCOHERENT THOUGHTS
abandonment. is the word i describe this blog.
much with growing up, things change. we change.
its been a while since i've really recorded my feelings ...i haven't really had much me time.
every time i blog, i grow a bit. but there is still so much more growing up to do. next semester is my last semester of uni, i have great friends around me. a loving relationship. it feels like things are quite alright. But there is such an obvious change in everything. When you were young, you had all the time in the world. I want to go back in time and wish i continued with my crazyness till now. I have changed. i've obviously toned down and become more normal. But i miss the bizzerk alice. the alice that finds anything random and does it without the thought of anyone stopping or judging her.
but people do grow. and it is hard to revert back. all i can really hope for is to keep going and not look back ..regretting the things i've done. Who will i be like in the future? will i be proud of her 10 years from now? So many questions i want to be answered but clearly everything is unknown. My biggest problem is should i take risks. and not regret, or play safe and i might get nowhere. I feel like im confirming. i want to be me..
i need to travel, i want to discover whats out there. i want to learn
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Will tomorrow be better
When yesterday things got worse?
Just when I'm moving forward
You go and put me in reverse
And just because we were
That don't mean that we are meant to be
No, but who cares what tomorrow brings
If it can't make sense of you and me?
It's too late
To cut you out
You're in my blood
You're gonna spread
Your smell, your taste
Stuck in my heart
And trapped in my head
If I could wake up
How I dreamt
I wouldn't feel
That laugh and cry
Can't seem the
Eyes of liars
But that don't mean
I love you less
And that don't mean
I want you more than right now
Baby, right now