Twenty One. 

Its been a while since i've done a blog entry, i'm about to turn 21 in just under 36 minutes if my math serves me correctly. Looking back, i realised how much and little i have achieved within the past 21 years. How easy it is to achieve your set goals, but also how easy it is to also fail. The mistakes i've made has all been positives, it has taught me to be who i am today. Falling down to a hole of misery and allowed me to pick myself back up (with alot of help from people) however i'm gradually learning from my lessons. How easy and how difficult to have someone in your life, people come and go, to always grab that moment and make the most of it. But most importantly, the biggest thing i've learnt is it takes someone really special to stay by your side through all this. I am so grateful to be one of the lucky ones to always have a support team behind my back, there for me whenever i need it. Am i incoherent, i probably am. Emotional turmoil before stressing out just then on how little i have achieved, i want to reach my full potential. 

Everything seems to be right the way it is right now. The journey is going to be hard ahead, and i cannot wait to see what the future holds for me but at the same time i refuse to take a single step forward, i am so afraid of who i will become. However, I feel extremely blessed right now, this very moment. Blessed that I can feel 16 again with butterflies in my tummy. That strange quirmy oozy feeling you get in your heart and you just cant stop grinning, this very feeling i thought i will never experience again. But things don't always remain that way. And yes, i am back on board with blogging after a long hiatus, a dark period in my life i am grateful to of happened to me. But i will never want to become that person again, filled with selfishness, sadness and depressed which is reflected in the blogposts i've had up in the past 2 years. 

Blogging has been a part of me. and wil always be and i will strive for this to continue. I feel like i am the female Peter Pan. I absolutely refuse to grow up, i already see aspects of my personality and self change within the past few years. It's difficult to always be so serious and uptight when i use to be so carefree, i want that side back. And it makes me sad to see this change in myself, but i guess as they say. People change for the better, lets just hope for the best :) 

1 minute till my birthday. this is my new beginning. 

This matter is mine
Don't worry I'm fine
This matter is mine
I'm not going to give it up.

RANDOM INCOHERENT THOUGHTS

abandonment. is the word i describe this blog. 

much with growing up, things change. we change. 

its been a while since i've really recorded my feelings ...i haven't really had much me time. 

every time i blog, i grow a bit. but there is still so much more growing up to do. next semester is my last semester of uni, i have great friends around me. a loving relationship. it feels like things are quite alright. But there is such an obvious change in everything. When you were young, you had all the time in the world. I want to go back in time and wish i continued with my crazyness till now. I have changed. i've obviously toned down and become more normal. But i miss the bizzerk alice. the alice that finds anything random and does it without the thought of anyone stopping or judging her. 

but people do grow. and it is hard to revert back. all i can really hope for is to keep going and not look back ..regretting the things i've done. Who will i be like in the future? will i be proud of her 10 years from now? So many questions i want to be answered but clearly everything is unknown. My biggest problem is should i take risks. and not regret, or play safe and i might get nowhere. I feel like im confirming. i want to be me..

i need to travel, i want to discover whats out there. i want to learn 

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end.